Tired from the week. Better we meet instead of your movie.

I survived one of the worst weeks in my life.

Coming back from MC office today I was... tired, yes. But happy. It's done.
Money issues with MC which I needed to negotiate with 3 parties. Common, I'm 23, I have 0 euro in my wallet and I was talking about somewhat 13 000. Ridiculus! What a situation.
The same as planning project around Sustainability and continue bringing free plastic bags from the shop every day.

Then - alumni found as speaker for event on education we participate in together with IBLF.

One more BoA member.

Application sent.

4 days of transition including 2 days with externals where you need to be nice, focused, demonstrating leadership. And they are looking at you with hungry eyes, making notes, asking about future. And at the moment you don't want to contribute to CSF anyhow, althougth you are already wanted to be recruited. Directly.

I thought I have a plan. And did my best.

But thinking, reading today i percieve it mostly like a nice effort. Good girl. You are planting the garden, but it's not you who is gathering the apples.
Apples were in my previous application. Fresh & red. Second is "Life Sketch". Black & white. Most probably not inspiring at all. Not fluffy "Nastya Style". No tears on pages, sorry.

The moment comes when you clearly understand that you, stupid bastartd (hello, my friend Marjam") missed. I'm closer to "I'm just usual.Stop running" than ever in my life.

News

So, I'm AGAIN starting blogging in english. I failed twice already and the main reason was the understanding of "why am I doing it?". I had it, but didn't work out. At all.
Purpose "to practice writing in english" didn't reflect one of my core values: self-identification through communication with the world around me.
Yes, I'm far from being happy just with myself and I extremely value situations & people who help to see myselа as smth totally new. It's always unexpected, sometimes painful, but at the end of the day - the magic of discovering an amazing individual called "me".
So, the purpose of this blog (i don't remember neither logins nor passwords for previous. Plus my laptop was stolen and I'm starting a lot from scratch, so why not to have new blog?)
is to share the beauty I see, questions & feelings I have with people whom I love, who actually ARE the world for me. And others, who may become. You never know untill spend few hours drinking coffee, whole night walking in the city, fifteen minutes trying to save the world.
***

Mix of Juanes & Nelly Furtado in winamp, sandwiches with sauce after midnight, an hour spent for UWC.org (Rob, it's your fault!) instead of the application, Araz online with 140 pages of "master & margarita" read somewhere in the air, between Moscow & Rotterdam, blogging, hugging, smelling SPRING in the big city, waiting for MC elects coming tomorrow for transition. The only thing I miss is 1 week of vacations near the sea. Didn't have for the last 3 years.

Am I ready for one, two, sixty more years of every-day-battles for what I love?

Actually, yes. If there is at least one person who can sometimes tell me (once a moth, please) that I'm not useless.